Understanding and Supporting Children with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)
Every child communicates and interacts with the world differently. Some children show strong avoidance toward everyday requests—not because they don’t want to cooperate, but because demands feel overwhelming. This profile is often referred to as Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and is commonly found within the autism spectrum.
At Rooted & Rising Therapies, we understand PDA as a nervous-system response—not a behavior problem—and we support children by reducing pressure, increasing connection, and helping them feel safe, collaborative, and understood. PDA is a strong drive for autonomy and is observed by a fight/flight response to demands and expectations perceived as threatening autonomy.
PDA can look different based on different demands. Your child might fight you on wearing shoes, shut down when you ask them to clean up, and run away when you tell them it’s time to go. Their response may not always be “fight” or “flight,” it can vary based on the child’s previous state of regulation, connection with the adult placing the demand, how the demand was presented, and the child’s interest in the demand.
Looking for quick strategies for PDA, click here for a free resource.
What is Pathological Demand Avoidance?
PDA is a profile of autism that includes:
extreme avoidance of everyday demands
difficulty feeling not in control
anxiety when tasks feel unfamiliar or expected
resisting requests even for things a child enjoys
This can look like refusal, meltdowns, arguing, shutdowns, or creative negotiation—but the WHY behind the behavior is rooted in anxiety and nervous system overwhelm.
Signs of Pathological Demand Avoidance
While every child is unique, common indicators include:
strong need for control or predictability
avoiding requests or instructions
difficulty with transitions
highly creative ways to avoid tasks
struggles when others have authority
appearing “oppositional” even with preferred tasks
intense emotions when pressured
increased anxiety during demands
Children with PDA aren’t trying to be difficult. They are communicating that something feels too hard, too unpredictable, or too demanding for their nervous system at that moment.
Why Demands Feel So Big
For PDA kids, a “demand” can be almost anything, including:
get dressed
time to eat
sit here
clean up
we’re leaving the house
even “play with me”
Demands activate anxiety → anxiety activates avoidance → avoidance can activate bigger distress.
When adults respond with more pressure, the child’s nervous system interprets this as unsafe, which can lead to even more avoidance.
Everything can feel like a demand based on how the adult communicates with their child and how they present the expectation. This may leave you feeling like you and your child constantly butt heads or that your child’s behavior is out of control.
What Helps: PDA-Friendly Strategies
At Rooted & Rising Therapies, we support children through:
✔ low-demand play-based learning
✔ honoring sensory needs
✔ increasing autonomy
✔ flexible communication
✔ child-led approaches
✔ co-regulation instead of compliance
The goal is not to remove all expectations—but to deliver them in a way the child can tolerate.
We strongly believe that children need predictable and consistent expectations. Demands and expectations are a regular part of life; we can help your child identify when their autonomy is feeling threatened and how to advocate for autonomy and communication preferences.
You Can Try These At Home
For practical scripts to reframe demands, purchase our PDA guide.
1. Reduce demands
Instead of: “Put your shoes on right now.”
Try: “Which shoes would you like to take with us?” or “I can see your toes.”
2. Offer choices
Choices give a sense of control and safety.
Try: “It’s cold outside, do you want your puffer jacket or your coat?”
3. Align their values with their goals
“I know you want to play at the park, last time we had to leave early because you had to go potty. Is there anything you want to do before we leave the house so we can stay at the park for a longer time today?”
4. Create sensory safety first
Before asking something of your child, help them regulate.
5. Focus on connection—not compliance
Connection opens the door to communication, emotional safety, and eventually, cooperation.
How Rooted & Rising Supports Children with PDA
Parents often tell us:
“Nothing else worked.”
“Traditional therapy felt like a fight.”
“My child shut down around goals.”
Our approach removes pressure and builds trust, co-regulation, and true collaboration.
We use:
neurodiversity-affirming practices
sensory integration
child-led intervention
nervous system safety
autonomy-based communication
relationship-centered play
We never use compliance-based treatments or “power over” therapy models. Children need therapeutic spaces that feel safe—not demanding.
It’s not refusal—it’s overwhelm
When we understand the “why,” everything changes:
fewer meltdowns
less pushback
stronger relationships
more meaningful communication
joyful learning
real connection
Children thrive when their nervous system feels safe and respected.
If your child shows signs of PDA…
We are here to help you:
understand your child’s profile
learn practical strategies
support sensory regulation
reduce stress around demands
rebuild connection at home
make room for autonomy and joy
We offer speech, OT, feeding therapy, and family support using a strengths-based neurodiversity-affirming approach.
You can schedule a screening, full evaluation, or parent consult anytime.